40 weeks

After I delivered our last baby…I really had a time of recovery. Not only did I experience a physical difficulty right after she was born, but I think then that led to a longer recovery period…like 2 years. She was just the more challenging of my other 3 children. While we were successful helping the others to sleep through the night by six weeks, she did so for a bit, and then she would experience inconsistent sleep patterns from that point till even now. That child sleep walks quite a bit even to this day. That said, I had about two years of emotional ‘rollercoastering’. And if I was totally honest with myself, it went on for longer than that. Not just because she has been an inconsistent sleeper, it was just an emotionally harder pregnancy for me to recover from.


While I am so very excited for this little guy to show his sweet face, I find myself a bit fearful and doubtful about how my well-being will take shape after the birth. Realizing I am in a different place in so many ways, my anxiety should be put to rest. Seven years ago we had just moved here to Colorado and so I did not have much of a network of friends. We were just getting settled in our new home. It was the beginning of winter which was a new season to me as I had been raised in Southern California. New church. New neighborhood. New everything. It was a bit of a learning curve for me. Plus, three other ‘little ones’, one of which was still in a diaper.




So what is different now that I hold to as foundations for helping me stay more sane?
The four children are all seven years older. One is starting high school, another middle school, and very helpful around the house. I have a wonderful network of friends and acquaintances established here. So much the so, a friend dropped a meal by last night just because she wanted to be a help to me this week. How lovely is that?
What else is different? We are much more integrated in our church and have that for a support.
It’s not quite winter yet, so I am still relishing the sunshine of warmth that is August.
And creatively…I am in a very, very different place creatively than I have ever been. I think this aspect will be such a vital part to my overall well being as I adjust to this new baby. I am more inspired to continue to set new goals, and to even let myself dream. These days I am finding I am outside of myself more with my paper art, and that keeps me attaining and attempting new things. The desire to aspire and move forward will help dispel stagnation that might otherwise try and set in.



Creativity many times is a mental place artists find themselves. If one is not able to actually hands-on create, one can create in their minds and find a sense of satisfaction in planning and scheming the next project. I feel as though I possess that more than ever before, and I am so thankful for the gift. Because it IS a gift. As one of my favorite authors says, ‘we are given a gift…and we must serve it’.
So, I will continue to be honest with my gift, thankful, and inventive. And walk the path of motherhood in a more creative fashion.


~j